Quote: "You have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country and victory in the war."
GOP officials were delighted her wires and control chip were barely visible during the course of the interview.
Side note: C'mon, admit it, GOP. You found her in a supermarket check-out line, didn't you?
After the announcement came a 21 party popper salute, followed by labored grunting as the lobbyists attempted to escape from the nigh-unbreakable grip of the infamous Chinese finger traps handed out after cake and ice cream.
From
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ortho_bobEarly tagline (imagine Don LaFontaine saying this): "In a world gone mad... Eight years of horror have passed... One man has 24 hours to stop it... But will he... can he survive... Or will he go mad trying? Viewer discretion advised."
"If we were all on a desert island, I would shoot you as an example to the others to shape the hell up."
This is met with a chuckle. Which is met by my stony-faced expression. Which leads to an uncomfortable, for them, silence. Then, miraculously, things suddenly start to get done. Trust me, I only pull the "example to the others" line out when jack shit is being accomplished.
So, this election.
If I hear one more bed-wetter freaking out about the magical powers of that four-eyed, puritanical political hackette to draw off 123 percent of the vote and win not only the election but a thousand year reign for the Republicans. Well...
That island? My first act wouldn't be to mix you a tropical drink.
In other news, how many of Levi Johnston's fingers do you think they threatened to break if the putz didn't do the "right" thing?
The crazies think the USA is the tool of God, and that morality can be legislated.
The not-crazies, on the other hand, just want you to leave their money alone. More over, they want to be left alone while they make MORE money, no matter who it fucks over.
Sometimes the two viewpoints intertwine in an individual, but that pushes that particular Republican into the crazy sphere. Oh sure, you have the hacks who mouth the rhetoric about saving the babies, one man plus one woman, and fighting the holy crusade against the Mooslim Terra, but based on their track records you know they don't really mean it (except for the money part). They just know that they have to appeal to the crazies in order to get their support. Else how do explain Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin not expelling their sinful daughters into the cold night?
Right, Christian charity. Which is best expended on Christians related to you, yes?
Thoughts?
Generally, the conservative chatterers seem to be lashing about, doing their damndest not to acknowledge that something grand took place last night. Whatever you think of Obama—and certainly, I don't think he's perfect—that was an historical moment, friends. This country used to string up and shoot black men perceived as being too "uppity" and educated. Now one's running for president on a major party ticket. The hope Obama keeps referring to rests in the fact that it happened at all.
Dave. Pat. The rest of you. You're all going to end up looking mighty silly in the future; like Mencken when he railed against Roosevelt without offering a single solution or even recognizing things were fairly fucked. Well, sillier.
Of course, as Brooks points out, the future doesn't matter, because we'll all be dead.
But then, they're the party of death worship anyway, so they don't see a problem with that.
Better question: do they exist?
What?
Oh, Palin
Damn you McCain... Trying to seduce my vote away by appealing to my lens fetish!
* Even if Obama loses the election, he still has a good 30 or more years of political life left in him. On the other hand, we'll be ready to stick a fork in McCain if he goes down. He has one shot versus Obama's seven or eight.
* Most of the bad things said about Obama have been proven crap, and he already came forward about his former drug use, so that's never going to hurt him. He appears entirely faithful to his smokin' wife and lovely daughters. The whole Rezco thing has yet to get off the ground too. He doesn't need to be made of Teflon because the guy never got that dirty in the first place. If he keeps his nose clean, he'll be fine.
McCain, however, while seemingly clean, can start his own waffle house.
* True, many Americans won't vote for a black man no matter what, but how many of those folks actually vote?
* He's obviously not the Antichrist because he's supposedly slipped in the polls to a dead heat with McCain. The real Beast would be using McCain's head to clean his toilets by now. Phew!
At least now I know what the hell MoDo was blithering about this morning.
If John McCain gets elected, this country deserves him. Half of it anyway.
The statement of utmost hilarity:
Dobson and Minnery accused Obama of wrongly equating Old Testament texts and dietary codes that no longer apply to Jesus' teachings in the New Testament.
Because, y'know, they've been trying to overlook all that Jewish stuff for years, once it became clear that Jesus was an American citizen (but not in a Mormon way, of course).
I'm currently reading the Christian Bible cover-to-cover, and while I knew about many of the book's stranger, more contradictory, and horrifying stories already, there are still surprises around every corner. Firstoff, understand that it's not really a consistent narrative. Philologically speaking it's not a book, it's a collection of manuscripts (histories, poems, lawbooks, parables, etc.) written by different writers over the course of centuries. Add to this about 6,000 years of tradition, cultural upheaval, politics, war, schism, and more and you'll see that while some claim the Bible to be an infallible and incorruptible tome, it ain't. No, really.
It's funny that Dobson has such a problem with Obama's supposedly creative interpretations, since he and the rest of the fundies have been cherry-picking both sections of the Good Book for decades. They make frequent mention of the bits that approve of worshipping the Ten Commandments, maintaining the death penalty, warring on our enemies, stoning the homos, and the idea of everlasting torment for those who don't sign up with Mr. Christ. They tend to overlook, or at least downplay, the weirder parts, like the "bridegroom of blood" passage:
Exodus 4
24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met [Moses], and sought to kill him.
25 Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.
26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.
Huh? The rabbis and Christian scholars are still puzzling over that one.
Then there's the weird little asides like:
2 Samuel 21
20 In still another battle, which took place at Gath, there was a huge man with six fingers on each hand and six toes on each foot—twenty-four in all. He also was descended from Rapha.
21 When he taunted Israel, Jonathan son of Shimeah, David's brother, killed him.
What with the who now?
Then there's St. Paul's oinkish edicts on keeping the broads in their place, something the female-friendly Jesus never ruled on:
1 Corinthians 14:34-35
34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.
35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.
Or the old yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum Jehovah:
Deuteronomy 20
10 When thou comest nigh unto a city to fight against it, then proclaim peace unto it.
11 And it shall be, if it make thee answer of peace, and open unto thee, then it shall be, that all the people that is found therein shall be tributaries unto thee, and they shall serve thee.
12 And if it will make no peace with thee, but will make war against thee, then thou shalt besiege it:
13 And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword:
14 But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.
15 Thus shalt thou do unto all the cities which are very far off from thee, which are not of the cities of these nations.
16 But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth:
17 But thou shalt utterly destroy them; namely, the Hittites, and the Amorites, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee:
18 That they teach you not to do after all their abominations, which they have done unto their gods; so should ye sin against the LORD your God.
Just leave the trees alone, man
19 When thou shalt besiege a city a long time, in making war against it to take it, thou shalt not destroy the trees thereof by forcing an axe against them: for thou mayest eat of them, and thou shalt not cut them down (for the tree of the field is man's life) to employ them in the siege:
20 Only the trees which thou knowest that they be not trees for meat, thou shalt destroy and cut them down; and thou shalt build bulwarks against the city that maketh war with thee, until it be subdued.
So, while there are some absolutely gorgeous passages, the book was already a little out there before Barack made his comments. "Fruitcake interpretation"? Parts of the book are a damned bake sale all by their lonesome.
This part of the article is especially strange.
Dobson and Minnery accused Obama of wrongly equating Old Testament texts and dietary codes that no longer apply to Jesus' teachings in the New Testament.
Well, kinda... It's called the New Testament by Christians because it was believed that Jesus was fulfilling the scriptures and introducing a new way after several thousand years of Mosaic law. So, yeah, a lot of the old rules about eating without washing your hands first, stoning people for inane infractions, healing on the Sabbath, and forgiving sins, were suddenly so last year, according to Jesus. On the other hand, Jesus was a Jew, and still had respect for the old rules:
Matthew 22
35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
Also, Dobby, you can't dismiss the Old Testament that easily, because according to believers those are the books that validate Jesus Christ as the Messiah. That's the gist of the man's claim to Divinity and the basis of Christianity itself. Drop the OT and you lose Jesus' right to rule. The man wasn't called the King of the Americans after all.
Interestingly, Christ did have one other thing to say about the old rules:
Matthew 5
17 "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.
18 I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.
19 Anyone who breaks one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
20 For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.
So, put down the lobster, Dobson.
Now, when I say my Aunt Prudence, I mean my wife Michael found this at Slate. I was slightly disappointed that the Obama folks didn't come up with this first.
Seriously, pass it along to your more meat-headed Republican relatives. I bet it will sway their vote.
There are many things people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every American's duty to read this message and pass it along to all of their friends and loved ones.
Barack Obama wears a FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.
Barack Obama says the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.
A tape exists of Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a conference on PATRIOTISM.
Every weekend, Barack and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.
Barack Obama is a PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm gets tired, which is almost never because he is STRONG.
Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.
There's only one artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.
Barack Obama is a DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE, which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is PROUD that Jesus was an American.
Barack Obama goes to church every morning. He goes to church every afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN CHURCH RIGHT NOW.
Barack Obama's new airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and a MEGACHURCH.
Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.
Barack Obama buys AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He travels mostly by FORKLIFT.
Barack Obama says that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because they are AWESOME.
Somehow I doubt I'll get much use out of this. My Obama-specific posts are already spotty here at Casa de Senor Dan Kelly.
In other news, as I expected, after giving the senator a hundred bucks a week ago, he's started asking me for more money by e-mail and mail. Opening my mail yesterday, I found a request to send the campaign MORE money which cause me to recall an Onion headline.
"Barack Obama wants change, Mike," I said. "Specifically, he wants my change."
Next paycheck, Barack, I promise.
I'm sure there's some liberal grumbling out there about Obama playing "their" game by doing this, but frankly, this is what Kerry, Gore, and Dukakis should have been doing in earnest. Obama should patent his velvet sledgehammer approach. Hammer, move on, hammer, move on...
Right-Wing Journalist Tool: "Senator Obama, are you or are you not still a Muslim?"
Obama: "I'm a Christian, not a Muslim. Next question?"
RWJT: "What? Huh? Uh, you're supposed to waffle and mutter and try to address my idiotic question as if it were due even one iota of serious consideration, thereby perpetuating the slander and making you look weak and vacillating."
Obama: "Nah. Next question?"
RWJT: "So... Uh... Heh heh... This will get him! So, you're saying that you hate Muslims?"
Obama: "Nope. Next question?"
RWJT: "Uh... um... You don't... You aren't... Dammit! You're not playing the game right, Barack."
Obama: "We're playing a different game now, chum. Next question?"
It'll be interesting to see how this approach plays out with the mouth-breathers.
Also, I can't say I'm not liking this. Daley's periodic idiocies aside, at least the trash gets collected and the water keeps flowing in this town. Welcome to Chicago politics, kids.
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