To the person who stole my wife's bike out of our garage on the rare occasion the door was left open (because I've been cleaning it out today, and it must have slipped my mind): Have fun with that flat-tired piece of crap, you son of a bitch, because it needs much work. That's why we were planning to donate it. Even still, you shouldn't steal from us. Because, friend, if I see you riding it around the neighborhood, I will slap your fucking head off.

Seriously, the thieves in our neighborhood are pathetic opportunists. We had a lawnmower stolen out of the garage a few years ago. It too was a piece of crap. The bike stealer overlooked my cordless driver/drill too. He could've gotten about $50 for it on eBay.