My main quibbles with this are (1) what on my Facebook page made this ad appear? I infrequently write about super-bulletproof, ball-producing paper, and (2) what exactly do you use this stuff for and how is it made? Is it created by the husband of the teeth-whitening housewife in their basement? And what are their kids cobbling together in R&D?

Boy howdy, have you noticed all the guys yelling, "Soylent Green is people!" about social networking sites? I keep thinking about the early days, when people were afraid to hook up their computer to the Interwebs because it might give "them" the ability to see into their houses—like with x-ray vision. Yes, you should always be on guard against the sharpies, but there's a point, I think, where you're creating far more drama than needs be.

Let me pose a few observations.

You're afraid Twitter will, one day, seize all your Tweets and make a mint. So.... What exactly are you posting to Twitter that's so damn valuable? And if it is valuable, why are you posting it?

I think this stems from the legend of the Stradivarius in the attic. That violin in your attic probably isn't a Stradivarius, but what if it is?. Better to keep the violin in the attic, never allowing it to be appraised, because then they'll try to get it from you. Oh, pretty pretty Stradivarius. They may call you a ukulele, but I know better.

Likewise, you've got to watch those guys at Twitter, because they're itching to make millions off the sweat of your 140-character brow. As a writer, therefore, I need to be more careful than the rest of the hoi polloi. Theoretically, you see, I might be the next Stephen King. It could happen... uh, theoretically. Therefore every word I post is a golden droplet of sunshine I should lock away in my magic treasure box. Even the ones where I talk about enjoying a good peach for lunch or compiling a list of everyone who's dead on my iPod. Yeah, if I don't watch my step, Twitter's great-grandchildren will be drawing residuals on those.

That's not to say that artists shouldn't be careful. Ever notice that I rarely post all my articles on my blog or Facebook? That's because I'd rather send you to my publisher's sites so they can see that people like my work and therefore keep hiring me. When I do run a piece on LiveJournal, Facebook, or Twitter (though how I'd run a 2,000 word essay on Twitter is beyond me), I'm still not too worried about them saying yo-ho-ho and seizing my work. Want to know why? Because I can't really envision them going to court over it with me and thousands of other little-known to unknown creators, not to mention the famous folks like Stephen Fry, et alia. That would be financial suicide.

What's more, as a writer I've signed gen-yoo-wine contracts covering the publishing and ownership rights of my work. This idea that filling in a form and clicking a box entitles Twitter/Facebook/etc. to my firstborn (Hi, Nate!) seems tenuous at best. Let's also consider the amount of money Twitter would have to spend on registering each and every person's Tweets with the U.S. Copyright Office. It ain't gonna happen, sweetie. But if you think your stuff is that good, start filing today.


If being caught posting potentially embarrassing information concerns you, why provide potentially embarrassing information about yourself online at all?

Ooga-booga. Facebook is waiting to blackmail you for that time you called your boss a putz and is about to publish a porn mag with that shot of you exposing your boobs on Space Mountain.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen. The real question is this: unless you were ready to deal with a shitstorm, why did you post them? Facebook and Twitter frighten you? Hell, how about the thousands of nigh-psychopathic trolls out there, eager to teach you a lesson according to their fucked-up moral codes? ("See, I snuck up on her and smashed in her head with a whiskey bottle, because the silly bitch was oblivious to the threat of having her head smashed in with a whiskey bottle. QED. What's the problem?"). At least you know where the social networking sites set up shop.

If you dig deeply into my blog, you might find occasional kvetching about my job, but you're not going to see anything that would get me fired. You'll find me mooning about Lisa Loeb or Zooey Deschanel, but you won't find shots of me dressed as Ulysses taking a riding crop to a human horse (much though I know you're all clamoring for it). Oh, there might be a bit or two that would cause some uncomfortable silences at parties, but generally there's nothing there that will destroy my life.

At the same time, other than canceling accounts, I haven't seen much evidence that the social networking sites are interested in delving that deeply into their participants' lives. If you're running stuff they don't like, they don't have to run it because they're giving you space for free (if you're paying for space that's another argument altogether; I wonder why Facebook and Twitter haven't gone the LiveJournal route and allowed people to buy their accounts). If you're pirating copyrighted material, publishing child porn, or the like and they come down on you like the hammer of Thor, seriously, what the hell did you expect? If you're not an exhibitionist, don't exhibit yourself.

OooooOOOoooOooooo! Social networking sites KNOW THINGS about you.

I once wrote a piece about hi-tech marketing techniques. Some made sense, like focus groups and doohickeys that charted eye movement across a page. Others were crazy, like hypnotizing consumers and asking them if they preferred this or that detergent, sticking people into MRI machines and showing them advertisements, and, of course, so-called subliminal advertising—which stands somewhere between stupidity and insanity. Now we have a couple of M.I.T. students who came up with an algorithm that can tell if you're gay according to your Facebook data (though it doesn't seem to work for lesbians and bisexuals, apparently). Spooky! Who would imagine that a guy with a preponderance of gay male friends might be gay? It's like Facebook can read gay minds and tell if they're gay. To quote Mike Sterling, "SORCERER!"

Facebook, etc. know what you tell them, and that's it. Obvious, yes, I know. But what is it you're telling them that you're worried about? If you post about seeing a movie and then see an ad running alongside the page about a similar movie, I'm not seeing the violation of privacy. Let's take stock of who really, potentially knows too much about you. The IRS and Social Security Administration and your bank know plenty about your financial status. Your credit card company knows oodles about your purchasing habits. The phone book, unless you're unlisted, knows where you live. Your boss probably has all your contact info. If you've been a bad boy or girl, perhaps you have a police record floating around somewhere. Your college can find you wherever you live and continues to send you alumni newsletters. And so on and so on.

Comparatively, the social networking sites seem relatively benign and noninvasive. You share as much as you want to share. How deliciously evil. It's like a 140-character Gestapo.


"Eek! Social networking sites use your personal information to make money!" Yeah? And?

This part of the article stuck with me:

How is that possible? Because YOU—and 300 million others like you—are doing all the goddamn heavy lifting!
We're doing all the heavy lifting? Posting 140 character sentences... uploading photos of our pals and gals at the weekend barbecue... linking to pictures of cats can having cheezeburgers LOL... Man, Facebook, et al have a real chain gang going there. It's a wonder we don't see more posts about back injuries.

Heavy lifting?

Here I thought Generation X/Y/Etc. entitlement was a complete fabrication. It's rare that I side with a corporation, but what gall. Heck, let's add a couple of unmitigateds to that gall.

"Who will help me grind the wheat?" said the Little Red Hen. "Not I," said the little pig.

Heavy lifting? Do tell. Are we creating the code, running the servers, hiring staff, renting the office space, computers, and furniture, and so on? What is Dumenco saying here? Near as I can tell he's suggesting that the companies should provide a free service with no expectation of reciprocity.

Now, do you ever notice that the iconoclasts rarely tell you to stop using the product? Most of the time, in fact, you can expect an attempt to defuse future debate by, oh the irony, mentioning that they still have a Twitter or Facebook account. God forbid they should dump it. They'd cease to exist if they lost their online presence.

I've had enough of quasi-iconoclasts pretending be the new Orwells by using the same tools they decry. It's like watching a guy build a house, and every five minutes he stops to yell at his hammer.

When will you stop scaring the poop out of me?

If you sign on to Facebook, THEY AUTOMATICALLY OWN ALL OF YOUR STARGATE COSPLAY PHOTOS AND YOUR FASCINATING ACCOUNT OF THE BURRITO YOU ATE LAST NIGHT.

They stand to make millions. Think about it.

Oh, Facebook mini-ads! Do you EVER make sense?

Facebook's "People You May Know" feature has always flummoxed me. I understand how it works: it might tell me that Daisy-Mae is friends with my old school chum Otis, causing me to exclaim, "Otis? Otis!?! Good old Otis! I didn't know he was on Facebook!" and immediately friend the magnificent bastard.

The thing is, my circle of friends is smallish, so I friended everyone pretty much right out the gate, and that was that. I don't add people unless I know them, consider them to be long-time chums on LJ, or if we've had some professional background together. So, when the "People You May Know" doohickey shows up, by and large, nope, I don't know those people. Occasionally, yes, I'll know someone by reputation, or through a fleeting interaction at a party, but that doesn't mean I want to share pix of my kid with them. As I've said before, LiveJournal is my public face, Facebook is friends and family only. It's not an exclusionary high school thing. It's a safe place.

That said, "People You May Know" gets extra funny when someone comes up who I do indeed know, but whom I'd rather see in traction or in his or her grave than in any list of people I'd call my friends.

As happened today.

Hee hee.

Yes, I'm a small and petty man.

I still can't make heads or tails out of Facebook's new look. I'm trying to make my LastFM box show up again, but no matter how many buttons I push or permissions I give, it doesn't show up on my main page. WTF?

I can't see the point of adding a celebrity or semi-celebrity to my Facebook friends list. Fan pages I understand, but adding, say, Marti Noxon's actual page just because I like Buffy is a little odd.

I added Ms. Noxon a few months back. I like and respect her work, and she seems like a nice enough person, but on review it feels like I'm pretending a relationship exists there that doesn't. It's not that I'm miffed that I can't stop by her house some day for tea, it's because I know it would never happen on her end. The whole idea of orbiting some individual without having a genuine acquaintanceship with them seems weird and high-schooly to me.

Facebook seems more personal than LiveJournal. LiveJournal is like my front porch, where anyone can stop by and say howdy (though I reserve the right to chase anyone off with my shootin' iron). Facebook feels like my living room, kitchen, and workspace. For my own sanity, not everyone is allowed in there.

This is just me. I'm not judging anyone. Opposing views?

Facebook Phraseology



Mostly I want to express my lyrics... THROUGH MOVEMENT!

Is it my imagination, or does Facebook's new look and interface suck?

What the hell is a fire werewolf?

I have to say, I'm surprised at how much I'm loving Facebook. Nice clean graphics, convenient and personable interface, and clarity—all of which are missing from MySpace. Is there a blogging application, or am I restricted to "Dan Kelly is..." statements?

If you haven't already, look for me on Facebook. Help me waste even more precious, precious lifetime.

The Wall is a place where friends can write messages to you that others can see.

I'm on Facebook now, for some damn reason. Basically, I think I'm trying to park in as many places as possible. especially since some marketing nimrod has dankelly.com.

That is one young picture of me.