Shriner Dan


What's going on over here? You know there's this thing called Facebook where all these LOSERS hang out.

Ciao for Now

I think that's it for the Mr. Dan Kelly LiveJournal. It's had a good run, but I'm hardly ever here anymore. I'll still be blogging, at times, over at So, time to archive this monster in PDF form, and then leave it for future archaeologists to discover.


1,000 Airplanes on the Roof

As part of an installation, artist Roger Hiorns and a crew installed two jet engines on the third floor terrace of the Modern Wing of the Art Institute of Chicago today. Last year Mr. Hiorns pulverized a jet engine and spread the resulting dust pile across a British gallery's floor, endearing him not at all the building's custodians, I am sure.

Look underneath each engine and you might possibly find a squished Jake Gyllenhaal.


UPDATE: The engines are filled with downers. Kind of ironic, huh?

I guess I could have said "1,000 roofies on the airplane."
Beautiful Peephole

If I Strip for You, Will You Strip for Me?

Mike and I hired a contractor to strip and stain the woodwork in our front room, dining room, and kitchen. This has been a long-term project. We started stripping the paint ourselves a few years ago, but it was a slow and laborious process, particularly since we were doing it with a heat gun and no solvents. Lead paint and other foulness flying up into our noses and lungs were other considerations, so even though we wore protective masks, we still had to consider the possibility that we were releasing lead spores into the air, even with proper ventilation. Nate has been tested for lead, by the way, and passed, so all that worrying may have been for naught.

Eventually we hired a teenager to come in a few weekends to strip paint. After a month he finished, and it looked... like shit. Not his fault. Beneath the oogly white paint was about an 1/8th of an inch of varnish. We knew we had to call in the big guns. Guys who, literally, had bigger heat guns than we did.

While we'd stripped most of the front and dining room already, the kitchen remained. Our kitchen contains all the worst decisions ever made in this house. The woodwork was not only painted, but painted a sickly avocado green. The wallpaper had kitsch value, which wore out after a year. The cabinets are ho-hummy; the stove needs to be replaced with one that doesn't have a small oven on one side and a warming area on the other; and the fridge is too damn big for such a little room. Eventually we want to break out the back and expand, but after receiving a quote from our contractor on what that would cost and involve. we're not doing that anytime soon.

So we decided to just pretty up the kitchen as best we could, and we began by having the wood work stripped and stained and varnished. The workers have been coming in for the past three weeks, and this past week they made real progress in the kitchen. The people who owned the house before us were pretty nice folks, but I have to question their mental competence. Collapse )

Which Era Is More Douchetastic for Parker and Stone?



Good God damn. In that bottom pic, they look like they run a chain of "fantasy suite" hotels, where paunchy white suburbanites go to screw in hot tubs beneath fake palm trees and animatronic myna birds. In the top picture, however, they're just the clerks on the night shift.

But, and I mean this in all seriousness, it actually would be quite amazing (oh... and tragic and sad... oh yes) if they were killed by a suicide bomber. It'd be like... like... a South Park episode come to life.